All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
