The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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