he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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