I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
