So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
