just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize