did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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