"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
