Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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