So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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