Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
