Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
