The maid of honor just puked.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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