Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
