You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
