Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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