...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize