I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
