So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
