I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
