If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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