yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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