You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
