I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
