R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
