Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
