i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
