And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
