I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
