I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
