Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
