did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
