these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize