ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
