my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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