i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
