I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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