My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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