You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
