We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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