There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
