just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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