ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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