it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
