her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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