You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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