Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
