why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
