i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
