happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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