her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
