Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
