cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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