All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
