can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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