can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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