i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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