This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
