I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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