where am i from again
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
