The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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