My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
