I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize