I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
