I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize