I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
