I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
