apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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