Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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