Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
